Intimacy

Well, it’s official: I have made the decision to go on a mild anti-depressant. In my experience, people don't really talk about this -it feels as though it is meant to be kept intimate. I've not known many people to be very open about it and a part of me finds it difficult to admit to feeling unmotivated and unbalanced.  I wasn’t going to share this decision but I realized the point in practicing this current openness was to begin a cathartic phase of healing. Hiding parts of me feels inauthentic. When one strips away the layers created to protect the true self from violation, true wellness can begin. No part of the self is too embarrassing to show; in my opinion; even the darkest parts are to be celebrated.

It will be a while before the effects of my prescription are noticeable.  I had an irrational thought of anti-depressants being something to fear, as if once I started taking them I couldn’t stop.  But it isn’t a lifelong commitment.

I’ve been drinking fresh juice and have felt a noticeable improvement in how I feel.  I practice yoga everyday, journal, paint, talk about how I feel, channel Reiki energy regularly, meditate, go for walks to find inspiration from the outdoors, try to get enough sleep and I live my life by following my intuition as much as possible.  I wanted to try to feel better in a natural way, but my reality is that I am at a low point.  After enduring surgeries, treatments and significant hormonal changes, my body has undergone a lot of changes.  I will continue to do all of the natural therapies and will hopefully reap the benefits of everything combined.

I need to be more accepting of the fact that I don’t have to do everything on my own; I don’t have to fix myself.  I feel I have come a long way and I celebrate my journey wholeheartedly.  I don’t have to be on medication forever, but the next few months will be difficult and my progress will continue to be slow. 

So there it is.  I feel this is the best choice for me now.  This and Tai Chi... perhaps in the New Year?

xoxo …M